you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
