My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
