you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
