my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
