I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
