Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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