So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I think people are normalizing furries
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
