Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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