I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Randomize
