I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
