oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Randomize
