This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Randomize
