I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Congratulations! We have a period
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
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