So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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