he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
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