Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
