no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
