weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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