I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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