Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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