I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
