he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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