you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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