well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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