he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
