I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
