I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
