cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
