my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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