cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Just invented taco cereal.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
