My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize