He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I met the friendliest cop last night
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
