This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
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