I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
