You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
