i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
