just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Randomize