So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize
