So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
