Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
