yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
