Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
