just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
