The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Randomize