I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
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