Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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