I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
