Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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