i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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