??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Randomize
