Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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