Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
