well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
