i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
