is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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