Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
