saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Randomize
