hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
You pole danced in your parka.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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