I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
