Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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