It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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