my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
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