Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
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