I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
North Korea, Best Korea!
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
