Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize