Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
i want to swaddle you in tequila
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
