How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
